Bisi wakes at 4 AM to prepare breakfast for her husband and three children. She gets everyone ready, drops the kids at school, rushes to her office job where she works until 5 PM, picks up the children, supervises homework, cooks dinner, cleans the kitchen, helps her mother-in-law with her medication, responds to family WhatsApp messages asking for money, prays, and collapses into bed at midnight. On weekends, she does market runs, cooks for the week ahead and stores in the deep freezer, does laundry, attends church, visits family, and handles everyone's needs.

Last month, she fainted at work. The doctor said it was due to exhaustion and stress, as well as elevated blood pressure. He recommended rest and close monitoring of the bp. Her husband said, "You need to manage yourself better, you try to do too much." Her mother-in-law said, "Women of our time didn't complain. You're too weak. In my time, I used to cook for a household of 18 people, and I still went to the farm daily". Her friends said, "That's just life as a Nigerian woman. You just have to be strong. Don’t bring house helps into your home oooo, they further warned”.

Chioma, a 35-year-old accountant and mother of two, used to be everyone's go-to person. Her siblings called at midnight with financial emergencies. Her In-laws frequently showed up unannounced expecting elaborate meals. Her husband's friends knew she'd cook extra when they "stopped by" during dinner. Her office knew she'd cover for anyone who called in sick. She was exhausted, resentful, and developing high blood pressure. Her doctor's warning was the wake-up call she needed. She started setting boundaries one step at a time, communicating kindly and informing people that she was not available on short notice.

Nigerian women struggle with self-care for many reasons. Several years of social conditioning has made many women believe that being a woman is synonymous to self-sacrifice and they should always come last on the list of priorities. This results in women who think that accepting workload beyond their limits is a badge of honour. Society has also led women to believe that they're supposed to have it all, do it all, and never show weakness. Nigerian women are always caring for other people, planning things, but leaving no time for themselves.

Self-care is creating boundaries, preventing breakdown, meeting your own needs, basic maintenance of your physical and mental health, and taking responsibility for yourself. It is ensuring that you're treating yourself like a person of value. Self-care is essential, and is not selfish indulgence and certainly not for only wealthy people.

The Cost of Never Caring for Yourself

The cost of never caring for yourself is having health challenges, relationship conflicts, and identity crises. Some of these consequences include:

● Faster aging: Stress breaks down the body cells faster than the average, speeding up the aging process, and making women to age faster.
● Chronic fatigue and pain are common consequences of lack of self-care. Women form the majority of people living with chronic pain. This is correlated with their experiences as women and emphasizes the need for self-care and social support.
● Sleep disorders: Accumulated stress often results in sleep disorders. This can be in form of insomnia (lack of sleep), and hypersomnia (excessive sleeping).
● Weakened Immune System: Paying no attention to one's health often results in the person being susceptible to illnesses.
● Irritability and emotional numbness
● Poor concentration and productivity
● Anxiety
● Depression

Practical Self-care for Nigerian Women
● Consider yourself worthy and your time, valuable.
● Get quality and adequate sleep
● Eat a balanced diet regularly: Many Nigerian women eat standing up in the kitchen, finishing children's food, skipping meals because "there's no time.”
● Ask for and Accept Help…including from spouses. Many husbands are shocked and blissfully unaware of the routines their wives silently operate.
● Establish boundaries and stick to it. People will test your boundaries but hold firm.
● Take at least 10 minutes of personal time daily and an hour weekly
● Practice basic hygiene and self-care
● Social connections are important for every woman, especially for single mothers, widows, women with health conditions, or women with aging parents. Make friends and make regular hangouts with them an opportunity to relax.
● When self-care is not enough, seek professional help.

Conclusion
As we celebrate International Women's Day, it is not enough that we recognize the role of women in families, societies, and the world, we must also empower and support them. As a woman, remember that your needs are not less important than everyone else's. You are worth the time, effort, and resources you so freely give everyone else. Take care of yourself with the same fierce dedication you use to care for everyone else. It is self-preservation, and not selfishness.