Chidi is a 16-year-old boy who was always emotional as a child. He cried easily, loved his mother intensely, and enjoyed art and music. His father hated this. "You're too soft. Too feminine. I need to toughen you up." With this, his father began beating him for crying, forced him into sports he hated, and compared him to his more ‘masculine’ cousins. With time, Chidi stopped crying and participating in his interests. He also stopped showing any emotion and started fighting at school. He has now started self-harming and using drugs to numb his emotions. His family says he needs more discipline and tougher love. The reality is that he's a traumatised teenager with severe depression and substance use, dying inside while everyone tells him to be a man.
Tunde is 19 and was his family's hope. He is the first son, a brilliant student, with a full scholarship to university. He is studying engineering, which he is not interested in, but his family considers it a lucrative option. After his CGPA dropped from 4.0/4.0 to 3.98/4/0 in 300-level, he started having anxieties about losing his scholarship and failing his family. He started struggling with insomnia and managing his academics with the jobs he does to fend for himself and his family.
Aliu is a 15-year-old boy who grew up with a father who beat him regularly for all offences. He was punished for poor grades, for talking back, for any infraction, sometimes for nothing. The beatings were severe, frequent, unpredictable and often humiliating. His father said he was beaten and turned out fine. Aliu became hypervigilant, always angry, fighting constantly, and cruel to younger children.
The International Day of the Boychild is commemorated on the 16th of May every year. The theme for this year is “Flourish and Thrive: Investing in Boys for Stronger Families and Communities”.
Discussion
There is a crisis among the boychild that we are currently ignoring. There is an educational crisis, a behavioural crisis, a mental health crisis, and a social crisis among boys. UNICEF estimates that around 259,000 children are in detention globally, with boys representing a large majority of this demographic. Research suggests incarcerated males show a higher prevalence of early childhood adversity, physical or sexual abuse, and lack of stable educational resources compared to the general population. Boys are twice as likely as girls to be diagnosed with conduct disorders and behavioural issues. Boys are overrepresented in violent crime, gang membership, school disciplinary actions, and juvenile detention.
Self-harm and suicide remain leading causes of mortality for adolescent boys globally. Boys exhibit more externalising behaviours like aggression and risk-taking behaviours. They also develop substance use disorders at a higher rate compared to girls. Boys are less likely to seek mental health help despite needing it. Boys are performing worse academically and are more likely to drop out of school. They also struggle to form healthy relationships and are often perpetrators of crime and violence.
Furthermore, Nigerian culture often promotes toxic masculinity and emotional suppression. Boys are told to man up and not cry. They are exposed to violence at an early age, and aggressiveness is seen as a masculine trait. They also experience academic pressure, financial pressure and provider role burden without any form of emotional support. Homophobia and rigid gender policing in our society also have dire consequences. Indeed, a teenage university student was allegedly bullied and killed recently for being effeminate and ‘not acting like a man.
Creating Support Systems for Boys
- Parents should love them emotionally, let them feel and talk about their emotions freely.
- Discipline them without violence.
- Challenge toxic masculinity stereotypes
- Model healthy behaviours
- Watch for warning signs of emotional distress
- Encourage them to seek help without shame
- Create safe spaces and mentorship for them
- Foster school-based, family support and community mental health services
- Support mental health organisations
- Encourage mental health literacy among boys. The next edition of Asido Adolescent Mental Health Boot Camp is coming soon in July.
How Parents and Teachers Can Foster Boys’ Mental Health
- See the child, not just the behaviour: Misbehaviors are often a communication of unmet needs. When a boy is acting out, it might be a sign of emotional distress or neglect.
- Create emotionally safe environments
- Engage boys actively
- Connect struggling boys to professional help
- Challenge toxic masculinity actively
Prioritising boys’ mental health is a collective effort. The unique needs of boys require recognition and support to enhance all-around emotional well-being and allow boys to flourish and thrive. All sectors must be involved, with a shift in traditional/community perspectives, as well as religious and family upbringing, and schools.
