Adesewa lost her husband to cancer in June. This Christmas will be her first Christmas without her husband since they married twenty-five years ago. She has been apprehensive about the day and is wondering how to celebrate the day. She keeps reminiscing about how they spent Christmas together in the past.
When Hadiza started the year, she was heavily pregnant with her second child. The child was stillborn, and she is still nursing the wounds of the caesarean section she went through to deliver the child. She has grown withdrawn as the year ends. She talks to herself about starting the new year without her child. She has begun to neglect her family and personal hygiene.
Akinyemi is a 70-year-old man who lost his wife in November. His children all live abroad, and he is currently living alone. His neighbour met him in the market a few days ago. He claimed that his late wife had sent him to the market to buy foodstuffs for the yuletide season. The neighbour brought him home despite his reluctance.
This is Goodness’s first time in her childhood home since she lost her parents three years ago. She has been avoiding the house due to her grief and the memories of losing her parents. She is now back for Detty December. Contrary to her belief that she has healed, she finds herself waking up in sweat and tears from nightmares. She is not sure she can stay for longer, but all places are now fully booked, and she had promised to spend the festive period with her cousins before leaving Nigeria.
The end of the year is often a challenging time for many people, marked by feelings of grief and nostalgia. Celebrating without an important family member can be heartbreaking and lonely. Holidays often come with expectations of happiness, traditions, and togetherness, which can make loss feel even heavier.
Here are some gentle, practical ways to cope with grief during the festive season:
- Acknowledge and honour them
It is okay to talk about them and share pictures, stories, or music that reminds you of your loved one. You can also create new traditions or continue old ones to keep their memory alive. Traditions may be too painful to continue, but keeping their memories alive in new creative ways may be a good way to find comfort.
- Manage expectations
You can set boundaries by refusing to participate in events, decorations, or gift-giving if they feel overwhelming. You can take breaks to walk or step away from the festivities if they feel too much.
- It is okay to express your feelings
We sometimes put ourselves under pressure to look happy so that everyone can have a fun time. Remember that expressing your feelings is good for grief. You can cry and talk about the loved one you lost. Make space for your feelings regardless of how they come.
- Use past advice and coping skills
Grief is one of the periods when you need emotional resilience. Good advice you’ve gotten in the past, and good coping strategies you use to navigate pain are effective in this period.
- Plan for tough moments
Certain moments are more difficult than others. Identify activities, songs, or traditions that may be difficult. Avoid the ones you can and self-soothe or take a break for the ones you can’t.
- Practise self-care
Neglecting oneself while grieving is common, but it is important to take little steps to care for ourselves while grieving. Eating frequently, no matter how small, drinking water frequently, and moving around help make grief easier.
- Stay connected
It may be tempting to self-isolate during this period, but this does more harm than good. Share with loved ones how you are feeling. If talking feels like too much, engage in activities with them or sit quietly with them.
Conclusion
End of the year festivities are usually a time for family reunions and coming together. It is therefore not surprising that it accentuates grief and sense of loss when loved ones are missed acutely during those moments. It is important to recognize these emotions but also to work through them – despite the sense of loss.
Remember that it is okay to experience happiness and it doesn’t diminish your love for the person you lost. It is also not disrespectful to their memory. Indeed, ask yourself if they were here and present, would they not want you to be happy? You can almost bet that it would make them unhappy to see you miserable. Treasure their memories but also create new and happy memories and be grateful for the good times you shared while they were with you. Families and indeed all of us should also rally around anyone we know may be lonely in these periods and try to support them. Happy new year in advance.
